laughin for no reason maybe
but who knows that those moments aren’t always… real
sometimes.. i feel a reality..
that i’m begining to believe is mine…
other times .. i just say to myself “this just can’t be.. ME”
sometimes.. i feel like.. im goin round and round..
my life… is like a circle..
im tryin to find a point.. but i can’t
been through so many things yet few.. believed in many things and people..
all that happened was.. hurtin..
there is something i must be doing wrong…?i feel like i have no air to breath..
im gettin tired of running this race to.. happines..
i’m tired of my dreams that no matter how much hope and work i put.. wont come true..
the reason.. is ..sometimes.. it’s just not ment to be..
sometimes.. i just wonder where is the peace i need
when i can feel peace in my heart..
when will i rest .. and feel happiness..
the peace i need.. is it any for me ?
i want that peace to calm the storm that damages my soul..
i guess i have to wait.. for.. what i wish to have..
for a life.. happiness and.. love ..
they say i should be hapyy for all i am..
for all i have.. and where i got..
but why i feel.. EMPTY..
nothin makes me happy deep in my heart..
why my heart still feels .. alone..
i love so much the few friends i have.. but they not wit me.. 😦
i feel empty and alone.. and none nor anything can fill my heart.. none can bring the happy smile to me…
even if it happenes.. it doesnt last..
should i just keep my heart.. locked.. ?
if God would had voice to hear Him talkin to me …
the only one always there wit me … but i need His voice
am confused.. dont know whats wrong wit me today.. cant smile cant laugh for nothin.. cant be happy..
today.. i just dont want .. anything..
because.. i can’t breathe.. is suffocating… i am empty


~The Woman~

When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day
An angel came by and said: “Why spend so much time on that one?”

And the Lord answered:
“Have you seen all the specifications I have to meet to shape her ?”
“She must be washable, but not made of plastic, have more than 200 moving parts which all must be replaceable and she must function on all kinds of food, she must be able to embrace several kids at the same time, give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart and she must do all this with only two hands”.

The angel was impressed.
“Just two hands….impossible!
And this is the standard model?! “

“Too much work for one day….wait until tomorrow and then complete her“.

“I will not”, said the Lord. “I am so close to complete this creation, which will be the favourite of my heart.
She cures herself when sick and she can work 18 hours a day”.

The angel came nearer and touched the woman.
“But you have made her so soft, Lord”

“She is soft”, said the Lord, “But I have also made her strong. You can’t imagine what she can endure and overcome.“

“Can she think?” the angel asked.

The Lord answered:
“Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate.”

The angel touched the womans cheek….
“Lord, it seems this creation is leaking! You have put too many burdens on her.”

“She is not leaking….it’s a tear” the lord corrected the angel
“What’s it for?” asked the angel.

And the Lord said:
“Tears are her way of expressing grief, her doubts, her love, her loneliness, her suffering and her pride.”

This made a big impression on the angel; “Lord, you are genius.
You thought of everything. The woman is indeed marvellous!”

Indeed she is!
Woman has strengths that amazes man. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens.
She holds happiness, love and opinions.
She smiles when feeling like screaming.
She sings when she feels like crying, crys when she is happy and laughs when she is afraid.
She fights for what she belives in.
Stand up against injustice.
She doesn’t take “no” for an answer, when she can see a better solution. She gives herself so her family can thrive. She takes her friend to the doctor if she is afraid.
Her love is unconditional.
She cries when her kids are victorious. She is happy when her friends do well.
She is glad when she hears of a birth or a wedding.
Her heart is broken when a next of kin or friend dies.
But she finds the strength to get on with life.
She knows that a kiss and a hug can heal a broken heart.

There is only one thing wrong with her
She forgets what she is worth…

Haters By Maya Angelou

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.
They are very negative people to say the least.  Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters…
That’s why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can’t handle seeing you blessed…
It’s dangerous to be like somebody else… If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them!  Right?
You never know what people have gone through to get what they have…

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don’t know my story…
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!
We’ve all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man/woman to hit the curb
(if he/she isn’t about the right thing)
e) you are a strong person and don’t let people run you over
f) you have a strong and loving marriage and they can’t get in-between spouses to spoil it

Haters can’t stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.
Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side (like some family and friends).
How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:
1… Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled..
A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering that what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation.
Fulfill your dreams!  You only have one life to live…when its your time to leave this earth, you want to be able to say, ‘I’ve lived my life and fulfilled my dreams, Now I’m ready to go HOME!
When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, ‘Don’t look at me…Look at who is in charge of me….’

‘A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.’
Maya Angelou

Online Seduction

Complicity, flirt, masking of self personality, Should this be the love today?

“Now i don’t need to go to beauty shop anymore for a new look, is enough to upgrade my profile on myspace”, says the Drew Barrymore’s character in a romantic comedy about how hard is for the girls now to find the right lover. And real. Let’s say it clear and simple: it’s much easier and faster the seduction wit the help of the new technologies. And doesnt even need courage. Send a flirt of few words through a text message (on phone) and if u don’t get any answer, at least you’re not there facing the rejection. Protected by the distance and with the price of only few cents, even the most shy people xan make up something and send a message with double sense to anounce their interes and availability. The poets and singers were trying hard and get cold under the balconies making peoms or sending love notes, the virtuals sit in their facvorite chair and if they dont have ideas, they can simply choose from a text special wrote by a copyrighter. Beep! “Did it hurt you when you fell from the sky?”

In the messenger window, it is not us the ones that stay and flirt, but an avatar, our virtual ego, the good and shiny one, the one that always finds the right emoticon for each reaction. We atach beautifull songs or send youtube links, upload photos with up, and generally, we don’t show ourself how we really are, but how we want to be seen. Details, shades, particularities, we control everything, we don’t let ourself seen by the critical eye of the other. We offer from ourself enough for the otehrs to make an imagine by their wishes. Anyways, is not like we could be checked. We can stay offline and answer just to the desirable ones, the other ones we can delete from adress book. Buzz! You’re there?”

We already are virtual beeings made of standard gestures: open, password, upload/download, copy/paste, send, lol, shut-down.We don’t meet anymore naturally, we just click accept. We don’t fill oracles, but profiles. The emoticons replace our emotions (we could as well not have face anymore, since we have a virtual body). We don’t write letters (handwritten), we send e-mails, messages or we leave some offlines. “luv u”. Is no more need to go in the parc, because we have webcam (and we never look the otherone in the eyes, we just see his/her head over the keyboard moving in frames) Not even the intimicy has no price anymore we expose our life second by second by twitter and , anywyas, the important thing is to be available and online for more people. Only liek that the chances to be loved grow. Not by certain someone, but by as many as posible. And not for who we are, but for who we want to be believed that we are.

Hi, what’s your id?

Copyright by Psychologies the Magazine,

leaf or roots…

…. So i been here in this situation more then once … and each and every time it hurts like hell… but what can i do, when i see no other way out but to think straight.. they are just leafs in my tree (my life)… the roots? well those roots i believe i found them… coz no matter what .. those i call roots are sticked to me like glue. NO MATTER what , i was never alone … if i ever felt alone was coz of my silliness… but still one of them was there to cheer me up, give me their hand and get back up .. not facing the ground to much … im happy for that.. and i willkeep them close … they are my roots.. About those i thought they would NEVER hurt , never be just ..leafs.. well i pray they find the true meaning of love.. friendship.. everlasting.. about what is a leaf and what is a root.. i did my best for them… at least i tryed..But i will never stop tryin to do the best i can for those i call friends… in the end every leaf in autumn cold season falls off…

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (5)It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (6)Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (7)It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

so heres one thing that makes me think, that makes me laugh (at seeing it/hearing it) that makes me realise the truth in these words.. read or watch the video …. as u want 🙂 hope it works for u too, it does for me:

“it’s ok to sit around, be depressed for a minute, cry about it, do what you have to, but don’t stay there too long. get up and go on with your life. this is what i’ve learned – if someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go. especially if you know you’ve done everything you could do, been the best woman you could be and they still want to go… let them go. whatever they’re running after, they’ll see what they had after a minute, but it’ll be too late. you’ll sit there and cry about it, but just think, in two or three years, you won’t even remember their last name.

how many times have you seen people and been like “what the hell was i thinking?? i must have been lonely as hell to hook up with you.” just let folks go.

some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a season. you have to know which is which. and you’re going to always mess up when you mix seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.

i know some who have married people they were only supposed to be with for a season, and they wonder why they’re having so much hell in their lives. that was a person who was supposed to come and teach you one thing. you didn’t know it so you fell in love, and now you wonder why you don’t have peace anywhere you go. i put everyone who comes into my life in a category of a tree.

some people are like leaves on a tree – when the wind blows, they’re over here, unstable. when it blows the other way, they move with it. seasons change, they whither and die. it’s ok, though. most people in the world are like that. they’re just there to take from the tree and give shade every now and then. that’s all they can do.

but don’t get mad at people like that. it’s just who they are, what they were put on this earth to do. some people are like branches on a tree. you have to be careful with the branches, too because they can fool you. they’ll make you think they’re a good friend and real strong but the minute you step out on them, they’ll break and leave you high and dry. but if you find two or three people in your life that are like the roots at the bottom of the tree, you are blessed. those are the kind of people that aren’t going anywhere. when you get some roots you have to hold on to them but as far as the others – just let them go. let folks go.

and nobody said it’ll be easy, but it will get easy when you learn to love yourself. when you get to a point in your life where you look at people and say “ok, wait a minute, you or me?” you will make a decision. i’ve never thrown anyone away, never told anyone to stop talking to me. what i do is say “ok, look, this thing you’re doing is causing a problem. you need to fix it because if we’re going to be friends and you don’t, we’re going to have an issue.” if you see someone fix it or even try to fix it, that’s someone who cares. keep those people around. that’s a leaf that’s trying to grow up and be something else. but if you’re telling someone that what they’re doing is hurting you and they keep doing it, they don’t really care. move on. let them go. no matter how much it hurts, let them go. and it’ll get easier. every day it’ll get easier, but you just have to make it through.”

Dreams and goals… holding on to them

people say i dream to much… and that i should come down on earth and think more of this reality than about chasing dreams that “wont become reality/its too hard” … but how can u give up on ur dream when is fullin ur heart wit joy everytime u think of it (ur dream).. i believe in my dream … i believe i can make it where i want .. all i need is time.. and God, time i kinda have and im takin things slowly one by one… and God is seem to be laways there for me … lift me up when i dont believe in my dream so much… tellin my not to give up… and since i am stuborn i wont give up on my dreams .. i face all i have to face coz i know my dream/goals will brng happiness to me .. 🙂

here’s a great song wanna share… by Yolanda Adams , “Hold On”

“You’ve Got dream and
you’ve got goals there’s a vision buring down in your soul
but hold on
theres nothing that you can’t do
You’ve gotta be driven,
motivated too
stir up the gift that God has placed in you
Hold on
the Futures looking bright for you

No matter how hard it seem
never give always believe
hold on, hold on to your dreams
Though your facing adversities
you can still be all you wanna be
hold on, hold on to your dreams

Determination is the key
In this cold world, if your gonna successed
Hold On
theres nothing that you can’t do
Don’t be discouraged by the trials you face
Cause your beautiful mind would be a terrible thing to waste
hold on Hold on
the futures looking bright for you

Hold on, be strong (Never let noboby tell you can’t make it)
Hold your head up high, keep your eyes on the prize
(Your dreams are met for you to obtain)
And Your labor is not in vain”

What is happiness? by Paulo Coelho (Warrior of the Light)

This is a question that has not bothered me for a long time, precisely because I don’t know how to answer it.

I am not the only one. Through all these years I have lived with all sorts of people: rich and poor, powerful and mediocre. In the eyes of all who have crossed my path – and here I include warriors and wise men, people who should have nothing to complain about – I have always found that there was something missing.

Some people seem to be happy: they just do not think about it. Others make plans: “I’m going to have a husband, a home, two children, and a house in the country”. While this keeps them occupied, they are like bulls looking for the bullfighter: they don’t think, they just keep moving forward. They manage to get their car – sometimes even a Ferrari – and they think that the meaning of life lies there, so they never ask the question. Yet, despite all that, their eyes betray a sadness that they themselves are quite unaware of.I don’t know if everyone is unhappy. I do know that people are always busy: working overtime, looking after the kids, the husband, the career, the university degree, what to do tomorrow, what they need to buy, whatever it is they need to have in order not to feel inferior, and so on.

Few people have ever told me: “I’m unhappy”. Most say: “I’m fine, I’ve managed to get all I ever wanted”.

So then I ask: “What makes you happy?”

They answer: “I have everything that a person can dream of – a family, a home, work, good health”.

I ask again: “Have you ever stopped to wonder if that is all there is to life?”

They answer: “Yes, that’s all there is”.

I insist: “So the meaning of life is work, the family, children who grow up and leave you, a wife or husband who will become more like a friend than a true love-mate. And one day the work will come to an end. What will you do when that happens?”

They answer: there is no answer. They change the subject. But there is always something hidden there: the owner of a firm who has still to close the deal he has always dreamed of, the housewife who would like to have more independence or more money, the new graduate who wonders whether he has chosen his career or has had it chosen for him, the dentist who wanted to be a singer, the singer who wanted to be a politician, the politician who wanted to be a writer, and the writer who wanted to be a peasant.

In this street where I am sit writing this column and looking at the people passing by, I bet that everyone is feeling the same thing. That elegant woman who has just walked by spends her days trying to stop time, controlling the bathroom scales, because she thinks love depends on that. On the other side of the street I see a couple with two children. They live moments of intense happiness when they go out with their kids, but at the same time their subconscious is busy thinking about the job they might not get, the tragedies that might occur, how to get over them, how to protect themselves from the world.

I leaf through magazines filled with famous people: everybody laughing, everybody very happy. But since this is a segment of society that I am quite familiar with, I know it is not like that: everyone is laughing or enjoying themselves at the moment that photo is taken, but at night, or in the morning, the story is always quite different. “What can I do to keep on appearing in the magazine?”, “how can I disguise not having enough money to afford all this luxury?” or “how can I manage this life of splendor to make it even more luxurious, more expressive than other people’s?”, “the actress whom I am seen with in this photo, laughing and having a great time, she could steal my part tomorrow!”, or “I wonder if my clothes are nicer than hers. Why do we smile so much if we loathe one another?”

To end, I recall the words of Jorge Luis Borges: “I will not be happy any more, but that doesn’t matter, / there are many other things in this world”.

Do not doubt the search

Sri Ramakrishna tells of a man who was just about to cross a river when the teacher Bibhishana approached him, wrote a name on a piece of paper, fixed it to the man’s back and said:

‘Fear not. Your faith will help you to walk upon the waters. But the moment you lose your faith, you will drown.’

The man trusted Bibhishana and began to walk effortlessly across the waters. At one point, however, he had an immense desire to know what his teacher had written on the piece of paper fixed to his back.

He got hold of it and read what was written on it: ‘Oh God Rama, help this man to cross the river.’

‘Is that all?’ thought the man. ‘Who is this god Rama anyway?’

As soon as doubt entered his mind, he went under and was drowned.